Ways That I Travel That Are Dumb as Hell
I’m not blessed with the skills to travel well. It has never come naturally to me. I’m not good at navigating, I can barely drive. The only conceivable addition I make to any travel is that I’m usually in a good mood because I’m not working. This year, my goal was to travel more and to improve on the skills required to travel well. The hardest part is admitting it’s a problem. I have several.
Using Google Maps to do Literally Everything
This travel habit, in theory, isn’t the worst one, but in practice it makes for a supremely lukewarm experience and immediately identifies me as a silly goose in public. It also eliminates the possibility of spontaneity. And it increases my screentime twofold. I generally like to walk aimlessly without my phone out whenever I’m somewhere new. There is privilege and honour in finding new routes to get where you want to go, or finding exactly what you need when you need it while on vacation. Once when I was in Ireland, I desperately needed to buy a wine opener and stamps and somehow found the nearest convenience store around the corner from the hotel we were staying at that sold stamps and could mail my postcards. It had wine and a bottle opener too, so we could pre-drink in our hotel room before dinner that night. Was this a miracle or are convenience stores in Ireland stocked specifically to my exact needs? Who’s to say?
The point I’m trying to make is that Google maps is boring and finding stuff on your own isn’t. However, being independent from your phone and its apps comes with the potential of stumbling onto a truly trash restaurant or clothing store and then having to use Google maps anyway.
Thinking I Can Figure Out Public Transit as Soon as I Get off the Plane
I’ve taken a train when I’ve landed in Amsterdam, Frankfurt, Barcelona, and Philly. I believe I can navigate any city’s metro system with a pair of noise cancelling headphones and my phone. Every single time I’ve taken public transit to my hotel, it was fine and this has inspired a sense of false confidence in me. What could be easier than taking a tram from the airport to wherever I need to go? How hard could it be? Sometimes, it’s pretty hard. Also I’m carrying luggage which is cumbersome and I take up too much space everywhere I go. It starts my trip off on a chaotic and rushed note when I could be sitting quietly in the back of an Uber for 60$, bothering the driver about their favourite monuments. Will I ever stop doing this? Probably not. I’ll be going to Paris in April and I’ve already mapped out my route from CDG to the Eiffel Tower, where I will wait to be picked up (on foot) by my sister before we find our apartment (on foot) together.
Googling Tipping Culture While I’m Taxiing on the Runway
This habit is so dumb and similar to the public transit one. I do the most basic research on the place I’m going while I’m waiting in line for customs. In some cases, I’ve been there before and I just need to read a reminder. In other cases, it’s an entirely new culture to me and I give it such little thought that I only remember how to not come off like an outsider with no sense at the very last minute. Either way, I seem ignorant and forget something integral to my experience like people don’t like to hug there or credit cards aren’t widely accepted.
Playing Fast and Loose with Vaccines:
I obviously get vaccines that are required to legally enter a country. I’ve learned that you need to replenish your polio vaccine when going to an area endemic with polio as an adult. The most recent time I’ve forgotten to take a vaccine was when I didn’t properly read the instructions on the back of the Dukoral package and got sick because I started taking it a week before my trip instead of two. I thought the immunity would have been sufficient at that point. It wasn’t. This is a lesson that I will only have to learn once.
Checking a Bag Every Single Time:
I don’t know why I’m like this but I don’t even feel the need to justify this one. I love a checked bag. I think wheeling your stupid bag through the airport is gauche. It takes up too much space. Planes are not built to accommodate everyone’s bags in the overhead compartments or in the aisles where they get caught on everyone’s seat. I want to be able to bring every beauty product I own in its full size to my destination. If I can’t have my giant tub of Vaseline on vacation, where I know I’ll be needing it, then what good is a carry-on?
My passport and phone are enough to keep my brain occupied while I’m trying to get on a plane, let alone a personal item and a carry-on. Because of this, I have several airtags and check a bag basically every trip I’m on. I do this for the same reasons that I rent a yoga mat for 2$ every time I go to a class. I’m too lazy to bring my own mat and can’t be bothered. I want everything to be done for me and I don’t mind paying a premium for it. In some cases, they don’t even charge you for checking a bag because too many people are bringing their whole trip’s worth of stuff in a carry-on. I know that you have to wait for baggage claim. I know some luggage gets lost. None of this matters if I can avoid going through security with more than a purse.
Wearing Big Boots and Jeans on the Plane:
Even though I JUST mentioned checking a bag for every trip, I still wear everything I own on the plane. I’m not using up precious luggage space on my giant sweaters and disgusting lace up boots that I’ve had for five years (Madewell, if you want to visualize them, you freak.) I have the decency to untie them in the security line but sometimes it goes so quickly that I don’t have time to undo them all the way. I will look people in the face while I hold their line up. They all hate it.
Having a Bad Sense of Direction:
This one isn’t exclusive to travel but it certainly doesn’t help while travelling. Before I got my licence, I would be the navigator on road trips and I would often have us taking the wrong exits. It was all part of the adventure. Now that I have a licence, I still don’t drive. I believe maps have gotten better and our apps on our phones make it virtually impossible to mess this one up. Without a working phone and internet, though, my internal sense of direction is garbage. You could sooner follow whatever the opposite of my inner compass was saying and it would likely get you where you needed to go faster.
Using my Credit Card for Everything:
I justify it by saying that I’ll get cash back or points or whatever but it’s mostly just an excuse to be lazy and to not get additional currency once I run out. At the start of each trip, I’ll get some local currency so I can tip people or buy stuff at places that don’t accept credit cards. Once this money runs out, I’m out of money unless I use a credit card for everything.
Allergic to the Sun
I hate to be this white person but I almost always get burned on the second day of vacation. And proceed to make it everyone else’s problem. I’m peeling, I’m hot, I’m grumpy, I’m tender. I invent new ways to get a sunburn every time I go somewhere hot. I love to leave the house at noon when there are no clouds in the sky. I love to pretend like my sleeveless top was the right choice when I could have easily worn a t-shirt and saved my precious shoulders from the indignity of my nieces comparing my shoulders to Rudolph’s nose.
No Packing Sense:
I don’t believe that I should be limited to organizational tools’ parameters. If I have a bag, I want to put whatever I’m packing into it wherever it fits. I don’t want to put stuff together that makes sense to go together in the bag so that they’re easily traceable. My ear buds and my sleep mask are two things that I use together most nights. Do I put them in the same small pocket on the outside of my overnight bag? No, I don’t. That would be too efficient. I also don’t pack my shoes together. They may still be in pairs but I’ve got several different shoes moving around my bag at all times, in the same compartments as everything else.
It also took me years to come around to packing cubes which are, unfortunately, worth their hype.
Not Questioning Any Charges:
One time in Costa Rica, I checked into an airport hotel and the woman at the front desk told me to put my card in the machine and when she turned the machine around it said $200 USD. I remember booking it for slightly less than that and even with taxes, the total being under 180$ USD. Did I ask about why she charged me the extra 20$ even though I had recently signed up to be a Hilton Honours rewards member and thought I’d be getting deals instead of charged more? No, I didn’t. I just blinked at her for a few seconds and then put in my PIN and completed the transaction.
Anyone can change any price they’ve quoted me midway through the purchase. I get into a cab and the cab driver will start telling me he has to charge me more because we’re taking a toll route even though we’re in a rural area with no highways to speak of. I agree with him and say nothing more. That money never belonged to me. Also, vacation money isn’t real.
Thinking that Vacation Money Isn’t Real:
This one is harder to justify. My friends hate going with me anywhere because I will refuse to look at the prices for anything. Luxury spas that charge $400/hour for a massage. Any food at any restaurant. I prepare my spending ahead of time when I’m booking flights and hotels, both upfront costs. If I save money there (and I usually do), then I can justify literally any expense while on vacation, even the dumb ones. Especially the dumb ones. If I can’t spend my money on unnecessary stuff on vacation then I don’t want to go on vacation.