Do You Have Milk? — Back to That

Since my sister bought me a Nespresso machine and changed my life, I’ve been enjoying the wonders of coffee daily. Religiously, like three times a day. With this much coffee and frothed milk consumption, I fear what it’s done to my body isn’t good for it. Three full cups of milk a day hardly seems right so I’ve tried swinging between milk alternatives to add some variety and hopefully healthier habits to my life. Below are my rankings:

1. Straight cow’s milk:

It’s better in taste and consistency. It’s important I highlight this fact now so you don’t think I’m some insane person who prefers something like oat milk to the real thing. It’s acceptable to admit the original is better, especially when the others provide an elevated sense of self-importance for trying to do the healthier bit. Milk is 10/10. It froths the best and tastes the best and provides the chance for your espresso to succeed. It’s also the cheapest so….. I like it better.

2. Oat milk:

It tastes like liquefied oatmeal so essentially nothing but its consistency is thicker and better than water which is more than what these other girls can say. It froths great. I also wonder if this has an unfair advantage of being newer and thus less likely to have studies done about it that disprove all its advantages but who can trust anything you read anyway. Another gift my sister gave me is the observation that anyone can prove anything with a long enough Netflix documentary.

3. Coconut milk:

Coconut milk’s fine. It sometimes has floating pieces of white in it. It’s the most watery out of these other milk types but it’s also delicious. It’s sweet but not overpowering and again the taste of coconuts pairs well with coffee. Like blue cheese and Riesling. But with espresso and coconut. Also coconut milk is cheap.

4. Almond milk/Cashew milk:

These are so annoyingly similar. Like what was the point of creating cashew milk if almond milk exists? Allergies. Okay, that’s a pretty fair argument. Their consistencies can be watery except maybe the cashew milk has a slightly creamier leg up over almond milk but it’s so insignificant it feels weird to point it out. They taste disgusting and even more basic than oat milk which is saying something and they’re expensive for small cartons. They’re more readily available at the store and at coffee shops than oat milk but I figure this is because oat milk is warming up to its popularity, at least where I live. Almond milk tastes like almonds and cashew milk tastes like cashews. Riveting. I bet you’re glad you came. Oh, they both come in sweetened flavours but it’s not worth it.

5. Hemp milk:

Never.